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| Nothing much to do... Split or Swallow |
| 08.26.05 (2:01 pm) [edit] |
hmmm... i hate when i don't have any work to do at office... damn... felt so dumb
:cry: :(
SPLIT or SWALLOW... words that i always says when i meet gals at night glub... those old days. most gals like to split after the big BLOW but some really like to swallow... hehehe
hmmm... 10 years already. I went to Hartford, Conn in Jan 1994... like a dumb stupid ass... too cold at that time... damn cold and my blood just went out from my skin...i still got some mark on my skin...
Once u got a free ticket to do anything... my like change drastically... freedom freedom freedom... and then study... actually no study at all. I took Actuarial Science as a major and damn... it is harder than u can think.
Actually i don't want to go home (malaysia) after study.. i want to be american... freedom... free doing anything but since i am a small guy.... 5f4' only... weight about 60kg... can be consider as a dork... jack ass... moron... nerd... what so ever... then... i went home... :shock:
Am i mumbling... hmmm... my head already stuck in the jar... 1 hour and 15 minutes left before i go home..... straight to my 3 kids... one is KingKong, the second is chimpazee... the last one is gangster (age 6, 4 and 2)
so guys... TGIF... have a nice F**Kin' weekend and dont forget to wear condom... :wink:
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| Joker in Courts part 4 of 4 |
| 08.22.05 (7:38 am) [edit] |
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
_________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
:wink: :wink: :wink: :lol: :lol:
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| Joker in Courts part 3 of 4 |
| 08.18.05 (7:00 am) [edit] |
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
_________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
_________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
_________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
:lol:
:wink:
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| Joker in Courts part 2 of 4 |
| 08.15.05 (9:35 am) [edit] |
_________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
_________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:? Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_________________________ __________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..
_________________________ _______________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
_________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
:lol:
:wink:
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| HAZE HAZE HAZE IN MALAYSIA |
| 08.10.05 (7:34 am) [edit] |
ahuk! ahuk! ahuk! man... haze at my place.
Some crazy people from Indonesia doing open burning and the wind blow all the smokes and dusts to Malaysia and Singapore. More than 300 hot spot detected in Indonesia by the satelite
Man... these people are crazy... even my government are crazy... WHY... they don't want to announce API (Air Pollution Index) in Malaysia.. they afraid that Malaysian panic... of corse we panic... WE ARE DAMN PANIC... visibility not more than 100 meter
DAMN STUPID GOVENMENT
.... where is enki... he might probably concern about these haze coz he care about environment
damn no out door activity... WHY dont the government send fire fighter or troops to Indonesia to put fires off. 3-4 years ago they did send fire fighter to fight fire in Indonesia...
DAMN DAMN DAMN... I AM DAMN PISS OFF
:o :x :evil:
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| Joker in Courts part 1 of 4 |
| 08.05.05 (8:09 am) [edit] |
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and all are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_________________________ ____________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_________________________ ____________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________ ____________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
:lol: :wink:
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| JOKER AROUND US.... |
| 08.04.05 (7:44 am) [edit] |
1. High class couples
In a 7 star hotel, 3 couples went for breakfast. All of them try to show off each other how they treat their beloved wife.
American husband: “Honey… please pass the honey to me”
Briton husband: “Sugar… please pass the sugar to me”
The Irish pause for a while then he said to his wife “ Pepper… please pass me the pepper please”
2. Mental Problem
After serving 5 years in mental institution, Richard is being release by his supervisor. Before he can pass the gate, he need to get a signature from his doctor.
Doctor: “ Yes Richard, before I can sigh your release form, I want to test you”
Richard. “ Ok doctor, I am ready”
The doctor takes out a torchlight and switch off the room light. He then points the torch light to the wall.
Doctor. “ Ok Richard, I want you to climb the light “
Richard “ You still think that I am crazy doc, I am ok now.”
Doctor “ Good, then you can go home now”
So Richard stops a taxi and directed the driver to his house.
Driver “ So, you pass the final test Sir”
Richard “ Yeah, the doctor think I am stupid “
Driver “ what is the test?”
Richard “he switch off the room light, then he asked me to climb the light from the torch light that he’s holding”
Driver “ so, what did you do”
Richard “ I do nothing, are you crazy, I know his trick. If I climb the light, he then switch off the torch light and I felled”
The driver then turns back the car towards the institution.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None", replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you're thinking!"
Life is short, Keep it happy and sweet!
:wink: :wink:
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